its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
