I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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