i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize