I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
