I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
