I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
