I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
