ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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