Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
