Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
