How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
