If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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