It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
