Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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