The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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