Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
two words: eviction party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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