and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The struggles of a small town man whore
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
