I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
