Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
