After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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