TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
