Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
