Swine flu. Run for my life!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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