just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
