Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
