You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
