maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
