Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
