Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We talked him into tasing himself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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