For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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