How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
