he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
