sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
