...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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