pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're too hungover to prance.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
