Plan B is the new Plan A
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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