saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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