Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
