some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
