I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
