Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize