K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
