She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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