Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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