youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
