Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
