A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
