I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
