I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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