you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
only you would photoshop your dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
