I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you still have your period?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
