i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
