it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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