Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
