i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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