It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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