I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
