Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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