So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
