Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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