I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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