Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
