I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just gift wrapped bread.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
