i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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