How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
