How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
