i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
